Thursday, August 20, 2015


My friend who is the mother of a toddler posted this tonight:

I realized that it is also exactly how a narcissist views all of his relationships. 

Today, my husband had his lawyer threaten to sue me for "psychological damages" to him for talking to his friends and family. That's right. He's still trying to control me, and keep me from talking about him to anyone, which, granted, he successfully did for three years. But now that I'm going rogue and contacting his friends and family to thank them for their kindness to me, and mention that I'm really sad about the way things happened, and that learning the truth was worse than I could have imagined, but I'm still happy I got to meet he is FLIPPING HIS SHIT that his cover is being blown to those closest to him. 

Here is an excerpt from the letter my lawyer and I received from his lawyer today (her English is not great):

"Mrs. [my name] decided to break the electronic correspondence of her husband, his friends and family, and developed a campaign of intimidation, blackmail and threats. Indeed, she disclosed aspects of the private life of our Client, she talked to the mother of his son, who from that moment, prevented the contact of our Client with his son and threatened to use the media to undermine professionally. Now all these attitudes have created serious psychological damage and damage to the image of our Client, that if Mrs. [my name] do not stop immediately and do not send to all the people who contacted, a formal apology and equal request to our Client, will be the subject for compensation in action brought for that purpose. I hope that with the good offices of the Honorable Colleague to regularize the behavior of your Client, all this issues can be resolved in a civilized and concordat way the matter of divorce."

I like that I had a "campaign." It feels so...presidential. The best part is the part about the mother of his son. Yes, I did email her. And it was fantastic. I had never spoken to her in the three years we were together, but I thought about her often. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for her to have him leave her while she was 7 months pregnant. And the more he revealed himself to me, the more I had utter empathy for her, and wanted to let her know that it wasn't her. What's really great, is that she let me know that her husband had already adopted their son, their son already has her husband's last name, and their son calls her husband "daddy." What's more, I know that my husband hadn't seen his son in person since 2012. He almost never paid child support. And she had restricted the amount she allowed their son to see him on Skype, and at the point when he and I were last together in person, he hadn't Skyped with him in over three months. Yet he got his lawyer to believe that this was all because of me. And wants to sue me for it! 

It's really amazing. But it's also proof that he really did see his relationships as his and his alone. Nothing was shared. I was not allowed to interfere, or even HAVE a real relationship, with any of his friends (or mine, or my family, for that matter). He was always afraid that I would talk about him...that his mask would get cracked, and that people might begin to hear the truth and see him for who he really is. 

So, I was successful, I guess, in making him LOSE HIS SHIT at the prospect of his cover being blown. I actually didn't smear him to anyone. I was way more respectful than I wanted to be, and far more respectful than what he deserves. I didn't go to the press, even though I could have--and still can--and still might. I do have pictures of him with his girlfriend, pictures of him fucking her and holding her. The evidence is clear-cut. 

In fact, if he wants me to issue a "formal apology" (HAHAHA! NO.) to his friends and family, I COULD tell everyone the entire story, and attach the pictures. And my apology would read something like this:

"I'm sorry that your son/friend is a psychopath. 
I'm sorry that he's had/has you fooled, just as much as he had me fooled. 
I'm sorry that he fathered a child with another woman outside of our marriage, and now he's freaking out a little bit. He must be really hard to deal with right now.
I'm sorry that ever doubted what I knew to be true in my gut, even for one second.
I'm sorry that I continued to give him endless chances to hurt me, lie to me, and betray me, for the last three years.
I'm sorry that I gave everything I had to him emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and financially, and he gave me absolutely nothing in return.
Here's a picture of his dick in her twat. 
I'm sorry it's so veiny and ugly, and I'm sorry her vagina kinda looks like an alien face."


  1. The end of this, where you wrote your apology, made me literally laugh out loud. It's how my apology would go as well. The last correspondence I had with my ex-boyfriend, I listed out at least 35 major lies I'd caught him in, and let him know that doing this to me had been a giant mistake, because I'm simply more likable than him. Barely anyone truly believed him about me and those that didn't, he showed his true face to. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just to keep being you and let them dig their own graves.

    1. So true, Jason! I take a small amount of comfort in knowing that he will eventually self-destruct, and that I don't even need to out him publicly, because the only people who can stand to be around him are the ones who are similarly duped...and anyone who chooses to stay around an abuser knowingly has major issues of their own. I also know that his new relationship (with the woman he cheated on me with) won't last, and that she'll be in a world of pain just like I was. I tried to warn her. I did all I could. People like him are not capable of being happy, and will never be in a healthy, happy relationship. We are the winners for getting out, we really are. Our lives can go on, they will just keep repeating the same pattern, with new partners, infinitely.